In an episode of the NBC genealogy-based documentary series Who Do You Think You Are?, actress Christina Applegate sets out to determine the identity of her paternal grandmother, which had long been a family secret.
The identity of who was Christina’s grandmother was a carefully hidden secret that affected the entire family. Christina’s father needed to know for his own well-being why she disappeared when he was still a child.
Through an exhausting search, the answers were found. In a heart-wrenching scene, Christina’s father finds his mother’s unmarked grave and vowsto put a monument there. It brought up old wounds for him but the closure was what he needed and received.
Closure: A state of resolution, completion, or finality that provides emotional or psychological relief, often stemming from acknowledging and accepting the end of a significant event, relationship, or situation.
Here is an incomplete list of the various types of closures: job or career closure, relationships, relocation, health and recovery, legal matters, addiction and recovery, unfinished conversations and various injustices.
Closure may not be on your radar when seeking answers to your problems, but it should be. For some, a lack of closure can feel like an endless carousel, as everything spins around and doesn’t move forward. You can have countless therapy sessions trying to figure out what is causing your problems. This is because some issue needs resolving.
The number-one rule of closure is that it’s your closure and no one else’s. There may be people in your life that you do not have closure with, maybe no last goodbye or explanation for their silence. Just identifying what you don’t have closure with is part of the battle but others may already have closure with you and using them for your own closure could be a bad idea. Keep in mind, however, that seeking closure can sometimes bring about more questions than answers. It can also stir up negativity such as revenge. That is not closure; that is punishment. You want closure that will help you to grow and heal.
Phases of life are like chapters of a book. We often expect that, like a book, each phase will have a solid, quantifiable conclusion. Without it, it’s almost like there is a blank page before the next chapter. So part of closure is identifying if your perception that something that is unresolved, really is unresolved.
Events happen all the time in our lives where we are denied closure. For example, it is very common now to lose your job and not say goodbye to your coworkers or to lose track of friends. Or when someone we love dies, there are often unresolved issues. Thankfully, there are still ways to seek resolution: You can email your former coworkers a short message. You can write a letter to your deceased loved one to help fill that last page of that chapter. same.
For the things that are more difficult to get closure with, try a candle “ceremony,” where you decide that the moment the flame is extinguished, that open chapter will be closed. You’re not closing the book—just the chapter. You can still “revisit” those moments in your life, but with the understanding you have moved forward.
I myself have some areas in my life that I’m actively seeking closure with in order to positively impact my future. One involves the fact that I am unable to obtain my academic records from college because they apparently no longer exist. I have consulted an attorney about the issue, and the media for help. What I need is an apology and for the college to make it right for me and the other students affected. With that said, there are goals I have had that were never achieved and they have always haunted me. Most through no fault of my own but just not achieved because of changing times. I have told myself that is OK, I no longer need to follow that path and I have created new goals. Before my father passed, I wanted closure with him. I needed to know if he remembered the brief times we did things together, when it was just us. While my dad had an excellent memory, he unfortunately could not recall even one shared event between us. I am still glad I asked him; if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t now know that he did not remember. Yet in the end, I had to accept that the closure I’d hoped for just wasn’t possible.
It’s important to be mindful of closure in our daily lives. According to USA Today, the top slang word of 2022 is “ghosted,” when a person has cut off communication with you without explanation. This has happened to all of us. Experiencing the end of a relationship without any kind of closure would cause anyone to feel hurt, perplexed, and resentful. There are so many reasons this happens. Some may think it’s socially acceptable to ghost but you don’t have to be that person. If you must end a personal connection abruptly, make sure the other person knows why, and be straightforward about whether you want to continue that connection or end it. Be clear with people by explaining any obvious changes in your behavior or your goals for the relationship. Be proactive when you have seek closure with someone. Make sure they receive an explanation from you. They could come back to you years later with questions, and that is not fair for them or for you.
Closure is especially important in family matters. Secrets can be harmful not just for immediate family members but future generations. I have cousins who believe their biological mother was someone else. This can happen also with blended or adopted families. Children can sense when there is something not right in the family and this can lead to identity problems in the future. We should also help and support our loved ones to find their own closures and that begins by engaging them in a conversation about whether there’s something they believe they need closure on.
Again, if you feel like you are going in circles with an issue, think about the possibility it is because you need closure with something. It’s something you can do by yourself, for yourself. Keep in mind that your journey is yours alone, and so is the inner work. Ask yourself if there might be anyone in your life who has wanted closure from you and hasn’t gotten it. That could be a shared journey. While you may not get the closure you seek, you might still manage to move forward despite it.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2022/11/29/most-popular-slang-words-2022/10771825002/