This post has been challenging for me to write because of the complexity of the term empathy and how our culture defines it as identity. Empathy basically means to “put yourself in someone else’s shoes.” Sympathy, which is similar to empathy, means compassion or sorrow for another person’s hardships. I choose to use the word empathy in this post because it’s more about perspective.
If your house burned to the ground, you would expect empathy from your loved ones and friends in the very least. Being empathetic, they could imagine the loss, and be supportive by providing what they know would be the most important things you would need at that time. We see this as a positive attribute of being human but animals experience this also. Research has shown empathy to be present in not only our pets and primates, but also in chickens and mice. James Harris at Johns Hopkins University believes that empathy is “an evolutionary mechanism to maintain social cohesion. If you’re evolving and you’re in a group, you’re more sensitive to the pain of other members in a group.” Generally, empathy is considered a natural, healthy emotion which keeps us bonded to our “group.”
Empathy also has a few dark sides. For one, we sometimes cannot feel empathy towards someone outside our group. According to a study published in American Political Science Review, regarding current political polarization, “empathic concern does not reduce partisan animosity in the electorate and in some respects even exacerbates it.” Culture also plays an influence in exploiting empathy as a weakness or as having you be seen as a betrayer of the group. Imagine walking to your car at the end of a sports game and a fan of your opposing team trips and falls. More than likely there will be laughs from the other team’s fans. If you were to go over and help that person you could be seen as supporting the opposing team which may not go over well with your company. Culture then makes us selective about how and when we can be empathetic, at least demonstratively. Empathy is also a tool of the sociopath. They may not feel it themselves, but they can mimic it, and they can recognize it in other people and use it as a vulnerability against them. There is also empathy overload which can happen to someone like an emergency room nurse. In this case too much empathy can cause empathy burnout and conflict with their own emotions.
The reason for this blog post in particular is to bring awareness to the growing trend of intentionally killing the natural empathy we have in us. It is being accepted more as a weakness than a strength. Some pass blames on to attorneys who sue people that try to help. I know of a doctor who will not acknowledge they are a doctor outside of their office. If they are on a plane with someone who falls ill, they will not step in because of the fear of a lawsuit. This may be observed as not being empathetic. It is actually fear and selfishness that prevents us from being empathetic. The sad part is we know this is wrong. What if your heart stopped on that plane and the only person that could save you was the fearful inactive doctor? Why does the fear of a lawsuit outweigh the death of human? We require empathy and we like to receive it. Many of us have warm empathetic grandparents that are generous with their care. And when they are, we are open to it, sometimes exaggerating our situation to them to get that attention. Isn’t it fair as a human to extend that out and be that way ourselves? If we expect it, we must also feel it and practice it. Empathy means to see from the other person’s perspective, and to act with respect, sympathy and action. Be mindful of the times you receive it and think about that when you are hesitant to act when you are feeling empathetic on the inside.