According to the CIGNA U.S. Loneliness Index, Generation Z (ages 18-22) is the loneliest generation, college students have the highest loneliness scores, and over 50% of senior citizens in long-term care centers have no visitors. There are many more statistics showing that the negative impacts of loneliness are growing and contribute to, quite profoundly, the deterioration of our physical well-being. We can say that it’s because of the internet or working remotely or culture but those things won’t change in the near future so we must treat loneliness directly. Loneliness is being called an epidemic and there are plenty of studies to prove it, the question could be asked, should there be anything the healthcare system or policy makers do to address it?
Part of what is happening today is the fractioning of identities. We are no longer just an ethnic, economic, sexual and political identity. We are now fractioned off into micro-identities that have the same weight as the main identities. This causes us to feel less connected to others in the sense that we could be judged more or less understood. Some of that loneliness comes from safety. Social media has made it easy to change our identity to someone we want to be. This could be felt as a problem if that person becomes exposed as a ‘fake.” It may feel better to be safe than be exposed.
Loneliness also has a detrimental effect to our physical health. It can be a risk factor for diabetes, heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, depression, obesity, anxiety and various types of addiction. There is plenty of information and studies online that prove loneliness is in fact, toxic.
It should be said also that opportunities to be around friends and other people generally are greatly reduced. Years ago, there were more places to go and be social such as indoor and outdoor sports and amusement type entertainment businesses. Most of those places were affordable and fun. These places worked on a healthier level because it was a physical activity that required specific engagement and teamwork. The replacement now days are coffee shops where the focus is on conversation what is being said, how it is said verbally and with body language, all of which can be misread and could make someone feel misunderstood. With my own experience, many of my friends and family have moved all over the country as well as work different hours which all contribute to loneliness.
What I have found is to the lonely person, loneliness in the present, is an indicator that there will be loneliness in the future. The lonely person sees loneliness as being progressive, when you start losing connections, you feel like you cannot recover from that. This happens right after graduations, moving or generally in the elderly when friends and family passes away. In treating the lonely person, we have to treat their fear of future loneliness first before their present loneliness. Loneliness is not only about being physically alone because some people still feel lonely even among company and loved ones.
Many people are lonely out of choice, which isn’t to say they prefer to be that way, it could be because safety is more important. That could be physical and mental safety. Well-being policy can’t really address that. Other types of loneliness can be part of transitions such as losing a partner, loss of job, recovery, incarceration, divorce, etc. Those are seen as temporary episodes of loneliness and actually have more resources to help but only in the short term. One is expected to “get through it.”
Ironically, if there were policies of some kind, it probably shouldn’t openly address it’s about loneliness. People don’t want to identify as lonely publicly. One idea that may work is to create a program that could be called, “Get Active.” It could be a locally set-up, possibly corporate funded program that has an online calendar of opportunities to get out of the house. A local church could post a spring-cleaning pizza party. Local government could consider having public art projects that require a group of people to complete, such as a mural. Corporate businesses could have product testing parties. Those that are older and house-bound can be part of a blog about personal or community history. Although it seems random, there should be a careful orchestration of these events to make sure all areas of the community have easy access to participate. There would have to be a variety of events that have a wider and also more focused interests. The bottom line is, in reality, this is a program to alleviate loneliness.
I also believe, at least here in the United States, city-planning has failed to plan for the effects of growth, gentrification and building design in regard to its effect on the community and people in general. There is a good book I recommend entitled, The Death and Life of Great American Cities by Jane Jacobs. The author brings up in her book about how poor city planning can cause the isolation of its residents.
What has worked for the people who I have helped is to have them constantly do things that are out of their comfort zone. The whole “find a hobby, do something fun, make play dates” does not work because there are expectations that it should help loneliness, and this could fail. Trying something new and challenging with reward and growth does work.
Fortunately, loneliness is now being recognized as a serious health issue and is being focused on in unique and different ways. The technology of virtual reality has helped many that are disabled, senior citizens and those physically separated from family and friends. Although it’s not a real physical interaction, to the one experiencing vr, it’s close enough to make one feel connected.
I recently attended a church service that was called “Blue Christmas” that was specifically for those that felt alone during the holidays. The service included lively music and an opportunity to write on a piece of paper your thoughts on the challenges of the holiday season. Organizations such as Alcoholic Anonymous also provide a place for people to feel connected. Local communities seem to be the first to address loneliness and one of the reasons may be because there is a negative economic factor when people don’t leave their homes or become less social.
Working on your own loneliness means stepping out of your comfort zone. When the opportunity is there to connect, take it. Even though you can be alone while engaging with someone, you can also feel not alone while being silently among others. It can also allow others to engage with you.
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Anne Frank
It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely. Albert Einstein
Loneliness is the first thing which God’s eye named not good. John Milton
When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. Tennessee Williams