Perspectives On Living

All qualified applicants will receive consideration for employment without regard to race, sex, color, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, protected veteran status, or on the basis of disability.

This was a from a job listing on August 1, 2021 for a health services organization. It is one of the largest health-care providers in its state. At first glance, it looks like absolutely everyone is covered as far as consideration. But one group is absent: age. Ageism is rapidly growing into an acceptable prejudice, although it has been a problem for a long time.

Ageism has a few meanings. It can refer to a stereotype or negative attitude toward an older person. It also refers to a form of job discrimination. According to the Age Discrimination Act of 1975, it protects certain applicants and employees 40 years of age and older from discrimination on the basis of age in hiring, promotion, discharge, compensation, or terms, conditions or privileges of employment. By law, it is illegal to discriminate by age. The problem with enforcing anti-ageism laws is that age discrimination is very hard to prove in court. In 2009, the Supreme Court determined that ageism must be proved as the sole reason for discrimination. According to two researchers from NYU and Harvard, age discrimination laws are not often enforced, and the courts have all but ”gutted” them.  

There is some disagreement on why ageism exists and how much of it is due to culture. Eastern culture is less apt to discriminate than Western, mainly because of its long history of honoring and respecting older generations. Older people in Western culture are seen as weak and out of touch and serve as a reminder of the inevitable fate of growing old. There may also be an animosity toward older people because of their successes and perceived path of destruction to selfishly achieve. These are all harmful stereotypes that match any other stereotype of race, gender, political views, religion or physical disability.

There is a prevalent, more insidious and harmful type of ageism that has been growing unchecked in our society, and that is companies using youth to sell their brands. This has been going on for eons, but not in the same ways it’s happening now. I know of someone who worked for a company that was creating a marketing video for its potential customers. The video was to show all the different departments and actual employees. There was one department that had one employee, someone who won the company numerous awards but was in his 40s. It was decided by management to use a young model to represent that department instead of the actual employee. Apparently, age trumped the successes this individual brought the company. The idea with these types of marketing decisions is to show youth means energy and relevancy. Smaller businesses sometimes show headshots of all their employees. This is part of that marketing also. So-called ugly employees find themselves in the same fate as older workers. A business likes to show that its employees match the demographics of their customers—that’s the excuse anyway. Most people that work online never see the person they are dealing with, so that is a bit of a lame excuse. Unfortunately, in most states it is legal to hire or fire based on attractiveness, and given that we are a youth-driven culture, the older and unattractive are left by the wayside, as if they can’t be brilliant or contribute anything worthwhile to society.

A friend who had worked as a model for a large home-shopping network told me that her work was cut because the channel was revamping its image and wanted all young people, whether it was in front of or behind the camera. She was in her late 30s at the time. In another department at the same company, older workers were fired because the company wanted to get rid of “dead wood.” This is a story I have heard over and over. Employers seem to be quite forthcoming about discriminating against age. I’ve heard of one story where the president of the company told all 400 employees at a company meeting that he was going to make it his mission to focus on hiring only young people. This president systematically fired many older workers. This can be done legally by the excuse of ‘position elimination,’ but as long as the employer doesn’t say “you are being fired solely for your age,” he or she can legally pick off every older worker.

Age discrimination can even occur where you would think there would be more caution. In Pittsburgh , March 2021, an attorney sued the School of Law at the University of Pittsburgh for ageism. Lawyers themselves face it as well.

In the United States, there are age discrimination laws to prevent prejudice in hiring (The Age Discrimination in Employment Act ) but it does not protect workers under 40 years of age. What makes it even more interesting is that that the United States Government is the biggest employer but actually discriminates more than any other business. There are 2.1 million civil workers and 2.86 million employees that are in the armed forces and defense positions, but all of those jobs are restricted to applicants under 34-43 years of age. That is about 5 million jobs that are not available for people over 40. That is more than all the Amazon, Walmart, Target Home Depot and Starbucks employees added together or more than the populations of Wyoming, Vermont, Alaska, North Dakota, South Dakota and Delaware combined!

Unfortunately, careers may not last as long as we like for various reasons, and it becomes necessary to retrain. It is becoming much harder for older workers to retrain because of their exclusion in many retraining programs. According to The Insider, only one federal program exists to retrain older workers and it’s for seniors under the poverty line. The federal government is also steadily increasing the age for full Social Security benefits. It doesn’t seem like the federal government has given much thought to this dilemma. In Pennsylvania, the state government has an apprenticeship program with a standards policy that excludes age from their discrimination policy for the sponsors. Ageism can happen on a government level also.

 EQUAL OPPORTUNITY STANDARDS   § 81.11. Obligation of sponsors. Each sponsor of an apprenticeship program shall be responsible for the following:(1) The recruitment, selection, employment, and training of apprentices during their apprenticeship, without discrimination because of race, color, religion, national origin, sex or nonjob-related disability.

Guess what: Regardless of your gender, race, religion, income, orientation, color or political affiliation, you WILL get older and this will affect you. According to AARP, 78% of older workers have experienced discrimination in the workplace. Various sources including AARP indicate that age discrimination starts to impact us around 40. If you decide to have children at 25, by the time you are in your early 40s, your children may be trying to decide what college to go to. If you find it hard to get a living wage at this time because of your age, remember you also may be trying to pay off your student loan. StudentAid.gov reveals that about 14 million student loan borrowers between 35 and 49 have not paid off their loan. Workers over 40 may experience a harder time finding work before they even pay off their loans.

It’s kind of ironic that the type of discrimination we will all most certainly face at some point is also one that flies way beneath the radar. There are three ways to get around ageism. One, make all your money for the rest of your life before 40. Two, find a fountain of youth and make fake IDs. Three, stop discriminating against the older generation and contact your local representatives when you see age discrimination. Hire based on potential results as opposed to age. Recognize age discrimination will happen to you, and when it does, you most likely won’t be prepared for it. 40 years is potentially half your life—the first half. What are you going to do for the rest of it? A few years ago, I read that human resources departments intentionally screened out applicants who were 45 and over. The pandemic has actually pushed that age even lower by giving another delusory excuse to fire older workers.

As a more woke culture, we need to eliminate discrimination when we recognize it. Some of you know what discrimination feels like; for those that don’t, you will . . . unless we consider ageism just as serious as all other prejudices.

I reached out to the health-care provider about their discrimination policy and why age was omitted from their policy. They haven’t returned my messages. I also have reached out to various State Senators and as of this writing, none have returned my messages.

Sources:

https://newjersey.usnlx.com/viewjob.asp?jobid=36275443

https://www.dol.gov/general/topic/discrimination/agedisc

https://www.aarp.org/research/topics/economics/info-2021/older-workers-new-skills-covid-19-pandemic.html

https://studentaid.gov/data-center/student/portfolio

https://www.nextavenue.org/ageism-in-the-workplace-can-president-biden-change-the-course/

https://www.businessinsider.com/retraining-doesnt-help-older-workers-find-jobs-because-of-ageism-2019-5

https://www.dli.pa.gov/laws-regs/regulations/Pages/Apprenticeship-and-Traning-Programs.aspx#81.11

https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/advance-article/doi/10.1093/geronb/gbaa181/5938666

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/05/opinion/letters/appearance-bias.html

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5347948/

http://navbat.com/can-you-fire-someone-for-being-too-ugly/

https://www.shrm.org/resourcesandtools/legal-and-compliance/employment-law/pages/nbc-good-looking-apply.aspx

https://www.eeoc.gov/age-discrimination

https://www.eeoc.gov/statutes/age-discrimination-employment-act-1967

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Armed_Forces

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_largest_United_States%E2%80%93based_employers_globally

https://www.bloomberglaw.com/public/desktop/document/CONGELIOvUNIVERSITYOFPITTSBURGHOFTHECOMMONWEALTHSYSTEMOFHIGHEREDU?1627847044

https://www.hrdive.com/news/workers-over-40-say-they-encounter-ageism-in-job-search-more-often-than-at/602290/

https://foreignpolicy.com/2021/02/11/how-the-pandemic-made-the-last-acceptable-prejudice-worse/

Click to access value-of-experience-age-discrimination-highlights.doi.10.26419-2Fres.00177.002.pdf

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A few years back I received a national award for work that I had done. I was kind of psyched about it. I had to travel to the ceremony  in New York City for the banquet. I sat there pretty much unaware of this specific award. The banquet started and as the names were announced, I was shocked. These were all people and companies that were on the “A” list. Household names. And I was receiving the highest award I could possibly receive for what I do. But there was a problem. What I was receiving an award for wasn’t my best work. Far from it. Why wasn’t I receiving the award for my more groundbreaking achievements? Because there are problems with awards. Serious problems.

Awards are usually associated with peer recognition where others who do what you do identify you as being the best, a leader, a visionary. And although that is true for the most part, there maybe other reasons you were nominated, and other reasons you won. I’ve been part of the awards process of one top industry organization in its field and I currently vote in one of the top, well-known awards ceremony in the United States. I also have won many awards, and lost many as well. Awards seem to be part of our culture. We like to rank things and awards helps us to do that. It’s something we are proud of, and usually add them to our resume.

You probably have noticed that many awards ceremonies have been coming under scrutiny. Televised awards shows are showing less viewers and there always seems to be a scandal associated with them. The public is coming to realize what I have discovered awhile ago. Awards are broken.

When I was a part of the one industry-leader awards ceremony, I realized being the best was just part of the selection process. Who my company was trying to get more business from mattered. Who spent the most dollars? Who was the nicest? Who is a favored owed to? Who hasn’t won in a while? Who wins too much? These and other criteria factored into the selection process. Although I generally didn’t vote in this in particular, my work on them was on the back end, I sometimes was asked to. There were times I wanted to expose this for the fraud it was but I think many people caught on it was not 100% legitimate.  Again, these were the top awards for that specific industry. These awards were important for the winners, not to mention their marketing departments. 

For most award considerations, there is a process. You submit your work or whatever is being judged, and you pay a fee to enter. There is fee is for each submission and it can be hundreds of dollars, thousands if you submit multiple submissions.  If you submit one thing, and it wins, you may be more inclined to submit more the following year. Money is being made by the organization that does the awards. It’s a lot like the slot machine in a casino. When it pays off you feel lucky and keep putting more money in, hoping it pays off it again. And just like the slot machine, you win a little and you lose a little. This is what keeps many awards programs alive. There also is a prestige element. Submissions from highly respected individuals and companies add to the prestige of the award and those submissions will probably win regardless, just to keep the level of integrity up for that awards program.

Every year I vote for a very well-known awards program. I have mixed feelings about it. In some regard I feel wrong about judging one thing over another. Even if the awards program is totally legitimate, I don’t know why we have to compare two very good choices and say one is better. When I do vote, I follow the rules and try my best to be open-minded. I do enjoy getting exposed to things I may not have had the opportunity  to be exposed to if I wasn’t a judge.

When I have received awards, I did add them to my resume but I can’t say it ever helped. Accolades can be seen as valueless or as braggadocious. Employers may see me as someone they can’t afford or someone with high expectations.  Anymore I’m not sure if I should have them on my resume at all.

I once worked for a company that had a brainstorming retreat on a beach every year. At the end of the retreat an award was given to the person with the best idea/presentation. They would receive an iPad. I certainly could have followed the rules to try and win but one year I did something totally different. I performed a social experiment. Instead of being the best, I focused on winning. I focused on the iPad and what I needed to do to win it. This was totally unlike me, I didn’t want the iPad, but I was curious on if it would work. My whole presentation was geared to the personality of each judge. What I knew appealed to them. I won. What I learned was just because you received an award or win anything for that matter, doesn’t mean you were the best. Don’t take that too hard. This isn’t every award and accolade and usually you really do have to be good to be in the ballgame at all. You know what your best work is. It doesn’t take an award to prove that. Showing your best work is more important than showing the award for something that isn’t your best and if you receive an award for what you think was your best then congratulations!

Before you read the next sentence, take a second to clear your mind and not assume you know what this article is about.

The past year has been especially hard on everyone, with most of us experiencing a loss of some type. It has made us more emotionally driven than before. There has been more passion but there also has been less listening. There have been many news stories about people who have gotten in trouble legally and culturally for saying or doing things that maybe they should have kept to themselves until a better time to express what they are feeling. Even businesses have been caught up in this with the result being a part of the “cancel culture.” Conversation has become almost one sided. Celebrities are constantly asking for apologies on social media and businesses are back-tracking, trying to correct for decisions that were made that were inappropriate or insensitive.

What is happening is we are caught up in the moment without considering the consequences of our actions. Too many things are being said and done at the absolute wrong time and place and although they may not be harmful in and of itself, the timing of when these things are done can have disastrous consequences. We need to take a moment before we do or say things and consider those consequences. I see “retractions” all the time on social media, chats and on the news because someone didn’t take a few seconds and consider how their response could negatively impact themselves or others. Yes, your voice matters but just because a thought or idea pops into your head at that moment doesn’t mean you need to express it immediately. Part of this comes from a lack of listening and evaluating what is happening at that moment in time. If you take your car to an auto shop and you think all car shops are shady, you probably shouldn’t express that to the shop owner. That may be your experience and you are rightfully entitled to your opinion but expressing it at the wrong time benefits no one, especially yourself.

Taking a few seconds before making any action gives you a chance to really flesh out your thoughts and to listen with both eyes and ears to what is happening around you. When someone is expressing their own ideas, don’t jump in with your own thoughts until you have taken a few seconds to digest their perspective. Sometimes what we say and do involves an explanation and when we don’t have the opportunity to do that, we should wait until we do so that we can be understood accurately.

This guest post was written by Patrick Bailey who writes various articles in the fields of mental health, addiction, and living in recovery. Please check out his website at https://www.patrickbaileys.com/category/wellness/

Substance abuse in the United States has never been more prevalent than today. According to the National Institutes of Health, there are 14.4 million adult Americans currently suffering from Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD). The Mayo Clinic, one of the nation’s leading medical research institutions, says that AUD affects those suffering from it daily. People with AUD may ignore basic functions of living like taking showers, attending social gatherings, and going to work, all in the pursuit of consuming more alcohol.

That means someone with AUD may drink while driving, drink on the job, and even sell a majority of their possessions to purchase more alcohol. Put another way, AUD sufferers have no control over their consumption of alcohol, which leads to major troubles in life, such as food insecurity. If you or someone you know may be suffering from AUD, the next step may be to research alcohol rehab centers. 

What is Food Insecurity?

One problem stemming from AUD is food insecurity, not just in the user, but also sometimes for children in the same household. 

Food insecurity is determined by the availability of quality, healthful food in a given area. For instance, if you don’t have a vehicle and the only food available is from a gas station or convenience store near your house, you stand to suffer from food insecurity. However, if you have access to food so your daily nutritional needs are consistently met, you do not suffer from food insecurity. As of 2018, the U.S. Department of Agriculture estimates that 11.1% of U.S. households are currently food insecure. That means just over 14 million American households do not have adequate access to nutritious food.

Food insecurity also has lasting impacts — on adults, yes, but especially children. In many cases, children who grow up in food-insecure households may develop health conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, obesity, and other lasting health problems. In many cases, children may develop unhealthy habits towards sharing and have consistent fears and worries about their next meal. This also increases stress and anxiety among children as a chronic condition and may also impact their schooling, sociability, and more.

Linking Alcoholism to Food Insecurity 

Research suggests a strong correlation between substance abuse and food insecurity. It’s widely believed that 70% of those with substance abuse problems are also food insecure. In many cases, those who abuse drugs or alcohol may forgo regular meals for days to afford their next fix. In many cases, abusers are most concerned and focused on securing money for drugs or alcohol. This also impacts families where the addict may not care about their children’s food security and are instead more focused on their next high. In interviews conducted with female heroin users, researchers found that users would typically skip meals for days, preferring to use money for drugs. In other cases, the presence of food in the body can also hinder or lessen the effects of certain drugs. It can reduce the perceived effects of cannabis. The same is also also true for more dangerous drugs. Therefore, many addicts may skip eating to get the “best” high.

In other studies, researchers have concluded that heroin users typically eat fast food more often than non-drug users. Opioid users have demonstrated vitamin deficiencies due to a lacking diet. It is also well established that alcoholics typically suffer from a deficiency in thiamine. This vitamin is responsible for the normal functions related to the heart, muscles, and brain. A lack of thiamine also may lead to complications such as difficulty breathing, rapid heart rate, and leg swelling. 

Another well-established cause of food insecurity among substance abusers is that many illicit drugs like cocaine, opioids, and alcohol suppress appetite. Heroin and similar opioids act to trigger a desire/craving for sugars and sweets, leading to higher BMI among users. Cannabis is an exception to drugs’ tendency to reduce hunger, since it is known to increase appetite. 

Conclusion

Substance abuse relating to opioids, cocaine, and alcohol (among others) are known to cause food insecurity. This lack of nutritional value in consumed food leads to increased health risks and deficiencies in the user. Research also suggests that substance abuse impacts not only users but their families as well. Nearly 8% of food-insecure households have children who suffer from food insecurity due to parents and legal guardians who abuse substances.

Author Bio: Patrick Bailey is a professional writer mainly in the fields of mental health, addiction, and living in recovery. He attempts to stay on top of the latest news in the addiction and the mental health world and enjoy writing about these topics to break the stigma associated with them. 

There is nothing more tragic about the human experience than the extreme hopelessness some feel and how it can move them to take an early exit. Troubling personal and global events happen in our lives that make us feel walled in, scared, ashamed, and traumatized. Every single one of us experience that. When these things happen, we navigate through and out of them without jumping ship. “Navigate” meaning getting outside help to chart the path away from the storm, but we also have to steer the ship ourselves. I once saw a film where a dead little girl befriends a living little boy, showing him how to live life to the fullest. In one scene, the two children are at a lake and it begins growing dark, which the boy is fearful of. He expresses his fear to the girl, who tells him that soon enough, it will be sunny again. I’ve often come across people who’ve experienced increased optimism and a renewed sense of hope after going through a dark, suicidal point in their life. For those of you going through the dark moments now, this blog is written especially for you. Suicide has played a role in my own life. Over the years, I’ve known several people—a few family members, some friends, and even coworkers—who took  their own life. I also have friends who struggle with serious depression. Their pain had deeply affected me. What I offer here are some perspectives and thoughts that may help you through your pain. While it can’t serve as a replacement for professional help, it can potentially offer you that sliver of light that shines through a smoky room.

If you are a challenging place in your life right now and are feeling pain, know that pain is real and no one has the right to tell you differently.

“Suicide will solve my problems.” It’s common for those considering suicide to buy into the notion that it’s an easy solution to end all problems. Yet suicide doesn’t solve problems; it eliminates your universe. Like a black hole, it swallows everything—the good, the bad, your potential, and the chance of serendipity. It also affects everyone around you. Your family, friends, and coworkers, even the EMTs, police, and health care professionals who tried to save your life and are devastated their help was futile. Suicide doesn’t eliminate problems it causes them. Studies have shown that suicide can actually influence others to take their own life. It generates a dark energy that lingers long after you are gone.

I heard someone once say, “I live because I want to see what’s next.” I thought that was a very powerful statement. For me, it means being willing to observe. I think sometimes we need to become less of a participant and practice our observation skills. Instead of getting beat up on the field, bench yourself on the sidelines and watch the game for a bit. Take a break from yourself and live from a third-person perspective. When you think about it, that’s what we do on vacation. We take a break from ourselves, too. In fact, most of us buy new clothes before or during a trip, almost as if we need to physically transform into someone else. We use vacations as an excuse not to answer calls or emails. But you don’t need to take a vacation to become an observer. Decide for the next couple of days that you will just watch the world from the so-called bleachers.

I know of a few people that have merely changed the scenery when they’ve become overwhelmed. Go explore. If you have a car, find a road you’ve never been on before and see where it goes. When you get someplace interesting, stop and talk to the locals. Switch things up for a while. Maybe strike up a conversation with the locals. After all, they don’t know you, which may make them seem safer. While you’re away, make a plan to help yourself get to a healthier way of thinking. There may even be great help in that new town. If you do decide to venture out and explore, please check in with someone regularly. I have a good friend battling depression. As a result, her family members and I have needed to request wellness checks from the police now and again. We came up with a text code we’ll send each other if my friend stops communicating with us. If she is unresponsive to messages and calls, her family and I agreed to text each other a specific number that means my friend is okay but wants to be left alone. While this is not a perfect strategy, communication in general is essential.

“(Fill in the blank) happened to me and I can’t go on.” I think if you knew the experiences of everyone in your life, you would be shocked to discover the kinds of dark places that they have been to at one time or another. This is not to compare hardships, just to let you know that everyone at some point in their life goes through events that cause great tribulation. Some of them are plain bad, and some are downright nasty. We believe these events have the ability to change us in a way that’s unrecoverable. Computer hard drives can be unrecoverable, but not humans. We are adaptable and elastic. We can change ourselves and rearrange ourselves. There is nothing in the universe that is black and white, and when we are challenged in a great way, it can feel solid black. We find solutions to our problems by evaluating the entire spectrum of the problem. The solution is not all-or-nothing. Like a ship captain navigates a storm, look for the best passage for the moment. Don’t look at the long term. That negative long-term future you’re seeing isn’t necessarily accurate; none of us knows what the future holds.

I’ve heard some remarkable stories about how things worked out for people suffering from dark depressive times. The universe is a weird place, and sometimes weird can be a good thing. Even a weird distraction can give you clarity. I will define “weird” as anything that’s unique and unpredictable, maybe even a head-scratcher. My point is, when you take your life, everything disappears. All roads close. The sun sets. The pizza shop closes. The treasure chest of possibilities dissolves into dust. The music stops. I know you don’t want that. You want to hear the music. You want the pizza shop open. You want to sort through that treasure chest. You want to see what’s down that road, over the horizon. You want to feel the warmth of the sun.

Sometimes I imagine that I have gone through a time-machine. I’ll think about bad decisions I’ve made in the past and go back in time in my mind, imagining the possible outcomes of having made better decisions. What if you actually took a time-machine back to this moment just to make a better decision for your future? That can be your creative-thinking exercise. The opportunity for focusing on a clear path is here right now. Give it some time for answers to appear. Ask for help with that navigation. Seek out those who have gone through the similar issues you are going through. Believe me there are many who will “get” what you’re experiencing—more than you might realize. Ask them how they made it through their own storms.

Regardless of how you feel now, know that you are part of the best statistic there is: You are human. You belong to the highest level of species in the known universe. The odds of being you are 400 quadrillion to the 150,000 power.  On a much, much smaller scale, only one out of as much as a billion sperm cells fought the fight to make it to the egg. You beat the absolute worst odds to be here. You were born a survivor and didn’t even know it. Surviving is built into your DNA. The fact that you are here now reading this shows you are a survivor. You are aware of all the good and the bad aspects of your past and present, and maybe you think you know what is in your future, but you don’t. Good luck, exoneration, serendipity, forgiveness, insight, and universal weirdness are all possibilities in your future. Ask for help to navigate through this time and, while doing so, practice becoming an observer.

Below are a variety of resources for those who may need additional help.

*The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline1-800-273-TALK (8255). Here is a list of international suicide hotlines.   Text TALK to 741741 for 24/7, anonymous and free counseling.

*The Suicidal Thoughts Workbook: CBT Skills to Reduce Emotional Pain, Increase Hope, and Prevent Suicide by Kathryn Gordon https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684037026

* Call the SAMHSA Treatment Referral Hotline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), for free, confidential support for substance abuse treatment.

* Call the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), for confidential crisis support.

* Call Trevor Lifeline, 1-866-488-7386, a free and confidential suicide hotline for LGBT youth. I have personally called them and they said anyone can call. To text: Message the word START to the number 678678.

*7 Cups and IMAlive are free, anonymous, online text chat services with trained listeners, online therapists, and counselors.

International

Argentina: +5402234930430

Australia: 131114

Austria: 142; for children and young people, 147

Belgium: 106

Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05

Botswana: 3911270

Brazil: 188 for the CVV National Association

Canada: 1.833.456.4566, 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)

Croatia: 014833888

Denmark: +4570201201

Egypt: 7621602

Estonia: 3726558088; in Russian 3726555688

Finland: 010 195 202

France: 0145394000

Germany: 08001810771

Holland: 09000767

Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000

Hungary: 116123

India: 8888817666

Ireland: +4408457909090

Italy: 800860022

Japan: +810352869090

Mexico: 5255102550

New Zealand: 0800543354

Norway: +4781533300

Philippines: 028969191

Poland: 5270000

Portugal: 21 854 07 40/8 . 96 898 21 50

Russia: 0078202577577

Spain: 914590050

South Africa: 0514445691

Sweden: 46317112400

Switzerland: 143

United Kingdom: 08457909090

A friend of mine struggled with alcohol for many years. For a short time, she saved every empty bottle of alcohol and months later put them in a room and photographed them as a group. Each bottle she labeled with the date she drank it. The image was overpowering and profoundly sad. We don’t usually have the opportunity to see the alcoholic’s amount of consumption of alcohol as a whole. It certainly put a different perspective on not only the amounts but also the costs and effort that go into an addiction.

In this post I want to provide some perspectives on alcoholism recovery. I don’t think alcoholism and drug addiction should be considered the same type of addiction and so the methods recovery should not be the same. I find them to be two separate beasts needing different types of recovery. I’m also not fond of the general term “substance abuse,” which can be mistaken for the general term ”addiction.” Each addiction has its own unique dynamics, hence its own methods for recovery. For this post I will only focus on alcoholism recovery.

If you are an alcoholic reading this post wanting help, the good news is that there is help. But the type of help that worked well for others may not be the type of help that works for you. Absolutely first and foremost, you need to see your family practitioner. Your doctor needs to do blood work to make sure you are not in need of immediate care such as getting detoxed and guarantee you don’t have other serious issues going on like dehydration. You have to be honest and open with doctors. Ask them what local programs have shown the most success and are within your budget. What you want are options. You need options because ultimately this is a decision you will be making, and you need to find a recovery option you know you can commit to and will work for who you are. Nothing will help if you don’t do the work, so you need the recovery option that feels like a good fit for you and that you believe will encourage you to continue.

Rehabs are generally where alcoholics are referred to for recovery, but there are a few things you need to know before considering a rehab. Rehabs are generally unregulated and are profit-based businesses. Not all rehabs have qualified staff or healthcare professionals on staff. Many do not offer individual therapy, and most rely on the 12-Step program. Rehabs also have their own criteria for success rates. There is no actual way for a rehab to claim any success rate. Just because you don’t return doesn’t mean the program was successful. Another thing to consider is that you will be on lockdown. Very few facilities allow access to the outside world, which means no internet, phone, or email. Keep in mind: It’s your loved ones who will be supporting you through your continued recovery. Because of that, I believe they should be there every step of the way. The biggest problem with rehab is that when you go home, you are on your own. A good friend of mine went to a very nice rehab in California, many miles away from his home. He ate well, fished, and generally had a comfortable healthy time. He told me that while he was there, one woman left the rehab after a month. While at the airport waiting for her plane, she got drunk at the airport lounge. This makes sense. Rehabs treat in a bubble. When you leave, you probably won’t have a gourmet chef cooking for you or the sunset view of a bay or daily Reiki massages. You will be back home where it all started. Maybe removing yourself from your alcoholic environment or from the issues that trigger your alcoholism will work for you, but remember: If you want to be sober, you need to focus on the type of recovery that will work long term. Not all rehabs are alike, so do your research. Rehabs can cost as much as $1000 a day or more. You want that money well spent for your own sobriety.

I personally am not fond of Alcoholics Anonymous in a clinical setting. AA can be experienced as being very guilt focused, and there are those who are not comfortable with its religious history or context. There is a place for it outside a clinical setting, but different therapies should be considered first than just one. Why does Alcoholic Anonymous work for some people? It works because what it does is replace some of the reasons a person continues to drink. The meetings provide community, which replaces loneliness, an opportunity for growth, which replaces failure or being stagnant, peer support, which replaces stigma, reward (coins), which replaces real reward, and confession, which replaces therapy. The problem is that AA is really only a substitute for the things that are missing in the alcoholic’s life. It’s a perpetual state of limbo. The real issues never get addressed. AA becomes in fact a new addiction. It’s fulfilling what is missing in the alcoholic’s life. Is this a bad thing? It is as if the real issues are not uncovered and treated, each needing its own treatment and course of action. If an opportunity exists to help someone with his or her specific issues, that always should be the chosen method of recovery. AA is not the perfect solution, but it may be part of your bigger plan for sustained sobriety. AA meetings are available everywhere, every day, and are free. AA members can be friendly and welcoming, and if you need an extra incentive to go and check one out for yourself, they usually offer free coffee and donuts.

So what works? Like everything else, one size doesn’t fit all. Support from family, friends, coworkers, and other communities is number one on the recovery plan. I do realize it can be a challenge for family and friends, especially if the alcoholism has caused problems in those relationships. This is where a therapist can explore relationships that have been healthy for the alcoholic and work as part of a team with those who can provide the support. Recovery has to happen during the everyday life of the alcoholic. Going off to a rehab in the Bahamas is not going to work. What do you think is going to happen when the alcoholic comes back from a luxury rehab to go back the same broken dynamics?  Outpatient rehab and therapy provide many more options than an inpatient rehab. The alcoholic can work with the rehab/therapist with daily challenges and triggers. The costs are lower, which helps make it less of a financial burden and makes it more likely that those struggling can get help. Recovery can be custom-tailored to the alcoholic’s needs and method of treatment. Family can be present during some of the therapy. Additional outside programs and groups can be specifically chosen.

You have choices both short term and long term. Everyone’s situation is different, so there may be some trial and error in finding out what will work for you in the long term. It’s possible rehab followed by out-patient therapy will work for you. There are also a variety of different medications used for alcoholism treatment. SMART Recovery is similar to Alcoholic Anonymous and should be considered if you are uncomfortable with AA’s sobriety approach. Like AA, SMART Recovery is available in different locations although it’s not as common. There are also live online meetings for various addictions where you can participate from home.

Start with your doctor. Maybe visit an online meeting. Do your research. Ask lots of questions. Move forward. Embrace your healthier self.

Meetings in your area

https://www.intherooms.com/livemeetings/list

Q&A: What Really Goes on In Drug Rehabs

Make sure light bulb is off for 5 minutes. Turn on bulb for 8 seconds, turn off bulb for 2 seconds, turn on bulb for 2 seconds, turn off bulb for 2 seconds, turn on bulb for 2 seconds, turn off bulb for 2 seconds, turn on bulb for 2 seconds, turn off bulb for 2 seconds, turn on bulb for 8 seconds, turn off bulb for 2 seconds, turn on bulb for 8 seconds, turn off bulb for 2 seconds and then turn on bulb.

This is the process to reset a newer light bulb, the kind you have on a table, or next to your bed or hanging in multiple, in your chandelier. A few years ago, we could just buy a light bulb and screw it in, but the world has changed and will continue to, and for better or for worse, it’s getting more complicated.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is characterized by persistent and excessive worry about a number of different things.

According to The Anxiety and Depression Association of America, there are sobering statistics showing that depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide. Almost one fifth of the United States population over 18 suffers from an anxiety disorder. Medical News Today points out that anxiety is on the rise and has been rising for decades. There are plenty of statistics online to show the prevalence of anxiety and its crippling nature, but chances are, you don’t need statistics to prove what you already know, which is anxiety affects all of us, either directly or indirectly.

Without going into the chemistry side of anxiety such as stimulants or anxiety medication, we need to know what these external forces are that are creating our distress. In my blog post Identity, I write about how who we are has become fractioned into micro-identities and the conflicts with being many different dynamic identities and how this challenges our definition of ourselves and others. Culture is a driving force in our identity, and culture and ideologies have been changing at a very rapid pace in recent. Along with gaining more identities, there is also the losing or ambiguity of identities such as political parties, religious entities or countries becoming more diversified. Who is who and what is what? If you are a (fill in the blank), are you also a (fill in the blank)? Confused about who you think you are, who others think you are or who anyone else is, is clearly distressing and can have serious implications in your personal, work and religious life as well your relationships with others. What we need to understand is we are dynamic; we change and everyone else does also. Constantly focusing on all your identities and analyzing others is a lot of weight to carry. Suppress this anxiety by focusing on “identity” only when you have to, because each day, some things about you change.

When I first read the “light bulb instructions”, just reading it gave me anxiety! I felt for all the people that struggle with new technology and was also angry that a light bulb is now that complicated. I am not a technology hater. I’m quite the opposite and have worked with very high-end tech and have designed tech for nursing simulation. The common idea is that modern technology makes life easier. The truth is, it does not. It makes things more convenient and gives us more options but the process to make it convenient is not easy. When you compare making a purchase with cash and purchasing something with your phone, you’ll see my point. With cash, you have various ways of accessing it with many people getting it along with their purchase at a store. The process of purchasing something with your phone has a very complicated set-up process which includes getting a phone that will run the app, downloading and setting up the app, recheck for latest update, making sure the phone has the right firmware update to run the app, going through the various policies, making sure you have enough memory to run the app, reading reviews and checking into how secure it is, coming up with and remembering a unique password that uses letters, numbers and characters, making sure the phone has enough power by the time you make your purchase, etc. We all use tech like this and generally do a good job with it but what is happening is many things that were once easy are now complicated. Compound this with fears of data-breaches, identity theft, hacking and also user-error. Another problem with all this complexity in our lives now, is it’s constantly changing, and your skills must be updated regularly. You just don’t learn it once like riding a bicycle, you have to retrain to accommodate the newer ways to do things and if you don’t, there are serious consequences.

On their own they are small anxieties, but they can accumulate and become burdensome over time.  If it’s burdensome now, know that the technology in your car far exceeds what was in the Apollo rockets that went to the moon. It is complicated. Your anxiety with it is for good reason. We are in the infancy of the computer-age and there is much that needs to be done to make tech easier and less-problematic. Fortunately for now, we still have some analog choices that we can use to reduce our tech anxiety. Be mindful when you purchase tech and apps to make sure you can use it with ease. For example, some TVs now have remotes with buttons and nothing identifying what they are. You may want to skip those.

I do want to briefly write about job hunting and working. Again, identity is another issue that can cause anxiety when applying for a job or keeping a job. I will write more about this topic in a future post but I would like to mention it in this post because, like everything I have written about anxiety so far, the rules of applying for work and holding a job, are more complicated and seem to change every day. For one, a resume used to suffice when applying for a job. It does not anymore. There are so many more qualifications required, and the applicant only knows some. Not knowing exactly what the hiring manager is looking for can cause anxiety, not to mention the other types of evaluations that are going during an interview. Businesses now are looking for employees with the same “identity” as the employer. Much has been written about this and the legality of it comes into question. Try to identify with yourself what is normal job anxiety and what is anxiety that may be harmful in the short and long term. Avoid the latter.

The more specific types of anxiety caused by mental illness, disorders and phobias have competent treatments but more needs to be learned as far as identifying the right treatment/therapy for the right person. I do at some point want to research more on new innovative treatments and discuss them in a future post.

And of course, we have anxiety by association; those people that know exactly what button to push to make us pull out our hair. Many of these people that cause anxiety in us are transient. We just have to get through that moment and be mindful that moment will pass. As for the others, you need to evaluate why they are causing you anxiety, how important is this person in your life, can you work this out between you two, is the person destructive, what are the consequences if you cease contact with the person? You also need to be realistic about yourself and your tolerances. What may cause anxiety for you may not for others.

Hooray! There are many solutions now that are working for people. The internet can help give you safe ideas that you feel will work with you but first discuss everything with your doctor. Thankfully, your primary care doctor can do the initial evaluation, which is highly recommended in case the anxiety is coming from other sources or conditions. Many primary physicians can also prescribe certain medications for anxiety.

There are many more causes of anxiety that are unique to the times we live in.  I sometimes think if I sit on a porch and just look out everyday with no contact or information with the rest of the world, everyday is a good day. For the most part, that is true. Granted, some of us are in the military or live in very troubled areas or with troubled people but for most of us, there is an area near us that is anxiety-free. That is your bubble space you can imagine as anxiety-free. Deal with specific issues with specific solutions that affect you directly. Separate your anxieties, do not mix them all into one anxiety. Sort through them and identify which ones are doing the most harm, and work on understanding what the problem is.

While you’re ruminating about your anxieties, have a bowl of ice cream, any kind, lactose free and dairy free included. Science has apparently proven ice cream can make you happy. For real. Use the excuse, “science said so” and go grab a bowl.

According to the CIGNA U.S. Loneliness Index, Generation Z (ages 18-22) is the loneliest generation, college students have the highest loneliness scores, and over 50% of senior citizens in long-term care centers have no visitors. There are many more statistics showing that the negative impacts of loneliness are growing and contribute to, quite profoundly, the deterioration of our physical well-being. We can say that it’s because of the internet or working remotely or culture but those things won’t change in the near future so we must treat loneliness directly. Loneliness is being called an epidemic and there are plenty of studies to prove it, the question could be asked, should there be anything the healthcare system or policy makers do to address it?

Part of what is happening today is the fractioning of identities. We are no longer just an ethnic, economic, sexual and political identity. We are now fractioned off into micro-identities that have the same weight as the main identities. This causes us to feel less connected to others in the sense that we could be judged more or less understood. Some of that loneliness comes from safety. Social media has made it easy to change our identity to someone we want to be. This could be felt as a problem if that person becomes exposed as a ‘fake.” It may feel better to be safe than be exposed.

Loneliness also has a detrimental effect to our physical health. It can be a risk factor for diabetes, heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, depression, obesity, anxiety and various types of addiction. There is plenty of information and studies online that prove loneliness is in fact, toxic.

It should be said also that opportunities to be around friends and other people generally are greatly reduced. Years ago, there were more places to go and be social such as indoor and outdoor sports and amusement type entertainment businesses. Most of those places were affordable and fun. These places worked on a healthier level because it was a physical activity that required specific engagement and teamwork. The replacement now days are coffee shops where the focus is on conversation what is being said, how it is said verbally and with body language, all of which can be misread and could make someone feel misunderstood. With my own experience, many of my friends and family have moved all over the country as well as work different hours which all contribute to loneliness.

What I have found is to the lonely person, loneliness in the present, is an indicator that there will be loneliness in the future. The lonely person sees loneliness as being progressive, when you start losing connections, you feel like you cannot recover from that. This happens right after graduations, moving or generally in the elderly when friends and family passes away. In treating the lonely person, we have to treat their fear of future loneliness first before their present loneliness. Loneliness is not only about being physically alone because some people still feel lonely even among company and loved ones.

Many people are lonely out of choice, which isn’t to say they prefer to be that way, it could be because safety is more important. That could be physical and mental safety. Well-being policy can’t really address that. Other types of loneliness can be part of transitions such as losing a partner, loss of job, recovery, incarceration, divorce, etc. Those are seen as temporary episodes of loneliness and actually have more resources to help but only in the short term. One is expected to “get through it.”

Ironically, if there were policies of some kind, it probably shouldn’t openly address it’s about loneliness. People don’t want to identify as lonely publicly. One idea that may work is to create a program that could be called, “Get Active.” It could be a locally set-up, possibly corporate funded program that has an online calendar of opportunities to get out of the house. A local church could post a spring-cleaning pizza party. Local government could consider having public art projects that require a group of people to complete, such as a mural. Corporate businesses could have product testing parties. Those that are older and house-bound can be part of a blog about personal or community history. Although it seems random, there should be a careful orchestration of these events to make sure all areas of the community have easy access to participate. There would have to be a variety of events that have a wider and also more focused interests. The bottom line is, in reality, this is a program to alleviate loneliness.

I also believe, at least here in the United States, city-planning has failed to plan for the effects of growth, gentrification and building design in regard to its effect on the community and people in general. There is a good book I recommend entitled, The Death and Life of Great American Cities by Jane Jacobs. The author brings up in her book about how poor city planning can cause the isolation of its residents.

What has worked for the people who I have helped is to have them constantly do things that are out of their comfort zone. The whole “find a hobby, do something fun, make play dates” does not work because there are expectations that it should help loneliness, and this could fail. Trying something new and challenging with reward and growth does work.

Fortunately, loneliness is now being recognized as a serious health issue and is being focused on in unique and different ways. The technology of virtual reality has helped many that are disabled, senior citizens and those physically separated from family and friends. Although it’s not a real physical interaction, to the one experiencing vr, it’s close enough to make one feel connected.

I recently attended a church service that was called “Blue Christmas” that was specifically for those that felt alone during the holidays. The service included lively music and an opportunity to write on a piece of paper your thoughts on the challenges of the holiday season. Organizations such as Alcoholic Anonymous also provide a place for people to feel connected. Local communities seem to be the first to address loneliness and one of the reasons may be because there is a negative economic factor when people don’t leave their homes or become less social.

Working on your own loneliness means stepping out of your comfort zone. When the opportunity is there to connect, take it. Even though you can be alone while engaging with someone, you can also feel not alone while being silently among others. It can also allow others to engage with you.

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God.    Anne Frank

It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.   Albert Einstein

Loneliness is the first thing which God’s eye named not good.   John Milton

When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. Tennessee Williams

Click to access SCA_Holt_04_27_17.pdf

https://www.multivu.com/players/English/8294451-cigna-us-loneliness-survey/

https://www.nia.nih.gov/news/social-isolation-loneliness-older-people-pose-health-risks

Years ago, I took a professional career class that lasted for many months. It was a class that required to share certain intimacies with the other students. For those months a bond had formed with all of us and on the last day of the class we shared our contact information. I also had invited everyone to a small gathering at my house in the near future. On the day of the planned gathering, no one showed. I bought food and drinks and set-up extra chairs, and it was all for nothing. I never heard back from any of them. Needless to say, I was very sad and took it personally. I wondered what was wrong with me because it had to be about me, right? The industry I was in was very small and everyone knew everyone. After being in the industry for a few years I realized I never ran into anyone from that class. I eventually went on to win several awards for my work. On reflecting about that class, I realized that from the beginning to the end, there was a huge drop-out rate. There was just a fraction of students left by the end. It apparently wasn’t for them. I think now that those few that stayed till end, were doing it to just to complete the class but probably weren’t interested in pursuing it further. It is possible they did not want to attend the gathering because they were done with that experience or they were embarrassed because they knew that class and career were not for them. I understand now that when you feel hurt by people, it’s possible you don’t know the whole picture. In fact, they may also be hurting as well. It is easy to make assumptions based on what we experience, but keep in mind there always is a bigger picture and other perspectives, and you may not know what they are.

We read all the time about the wealth of some individuals and it seems staggering. The irony is many of them are cash poor. Their wealth is on paper but not in their pockets. Much of their wealth is illiquid, meaning it cannot be converted into cash. I actually know of a few working-class people from very wealthy families. This happens in a variety of different ways. Many wealthy families live off of a trust fund or an allowance. These funds sometimes may not allow for cost of living increases. Some family members can be denied family wealth also. In the case of the Yuengling family of Yuengling Brewery, the children of the owner do not inherit the business, they have to buy it from their parents. The older wealth families may also have properties that are cared for by funds or funded by the business but it’s possible the people living inside may be cash poor. Even the expensive sports cars driven by millionaires may be provided as a perk by the company. Super billionaire Elon Musk claims to be cash poor. In his case, his shares in his company cannot be sold because of regulatory limitations. His company Tesla has negative free cash flow and lots of debt but yet on paper Musk’s worth is $25 billion.

With lots of money also comes lots of expenses such as taxes, security, alimony, lawsuits both frivolous and legit, etc. Much of what we see of the ultra-wealthy is smoke and mirrors. They live in a very fragile economic bubble that can burst anytime. Sean Quinn was a very wealthy investor in Ireland who lost $2.8 billion because of bad decisions. His worth dropped to about $50,000. Elizabeth Holmes, owner of the start-up company Theranos went from a net worth of $5 billion to $0 because of her bad decisions. There are many similar riches to rags stories.

The point is, wanting to be financially healthy is ok. Looking at the ultra-wealthy as the optimum standard of living is probably not wise, especially given the fragility of today’s economy, not to mention legal and contractual obligations that comes with the wealth.

https://www.inquirer.com/philly/blogs/inq-phillydeals/Yuengling-.html