Perspectives On Living

Years ago, we knew exactly who directed hate towards us, but because of the various types of global communication we have currently, most hate we receive is from strangers. The first thing we need to do is to not concentrate on the content of the hate. Make the hate generic. The second thing we need to do is to identify if there is a credible threat of harm. There are plenty of types of resources to do so including asking friends and family. In some cases, contacting someone in law enforcement. We alone cannot always identify a real threat from an empty one.

Identify if the hate directed towards you is personal, meaning they know you and you know them, and the hate is because of an interaction between you both. Ask yourself if you need to own the hate or did you do something where the hate from the other person is justified? Are you returning the hate?

If the hate is personal, you will have to make the effort to understand it and address it. Personal hate is looking to get resolved and that can be in a good or bad way. Ask yourself what compromise are you willing to make to resolve the cause, and to eliminate or diffuse the hate. If you make the efforts to resolve the hate and the efforts fail, you have the option to try things differently but don’t continue if you feel it is not working. Some people want to hate, and you can’t change that. It can make them hate even more. Letting time pass can help, but be cautious about resuming your efforts to resolve the situation. Only when you feel the other person is receptive should you try again. Unfortunately hate can be a driving force for some people. It’s the reason they wake up in the morning and you’re not going to be able to change that. I’m not under the belief that all problems can be solved but I do believe we can deal with them better. Putting distance physically and mentally between you and the hateful person is the best option unless you feel threatened. If that is the case the threat needs to be addressed professionally.

There has been and always will be hate. Much of it is because there is a misunderstanding, or someone feels threatened. You are not required to engage or defend yourself with a hateful person and there is a good amount of hate that can be ignored. Hate focused on you may in fact be a release for some people, and you just happen to be a convenient target. Unless it’s personal, you don’t need to figure it out.

Progress is the most over-looked, essential need for good mental health. In many ways it’s the key to a healthy, happy life but yet it never seems to be a part of any organized healthy lifestyle routine the way diet is. Our brains need to feel that we are moving forward, learning and exploring. Unfortunately, it can be very hard to find progress in the things that matter but fortunately it doesn’t take much to satisfy that part of our brains. Progress is anything that moves us forward, shows a measurable progression and produces something that is learned. We have inside of us the need to have value and our self-value is perceived by achieving things.

I believe much of our self-medicating and violence, especially among youths is caused by a lack of genuine progress in our lives. I believe we feel only two stages, moving forward or moving backward. Staying stagnant is felt as moving backward. The correct way to have progress is to, explore, learn, fail and succeed with activities that interest us. This though is not always an option and so we must find it in other ways that although they may not be as healthy, they can get us out of a “progress slump.” I think the success of binge-watching TV shows is because we can “progress” along in the series, at our own pace, in a sense, taking control. I have seen video games successfully help people with “progress-deficiency.” When you play a video game, you can work through one level and then quit that session so at the end of the day you feel there was at least one thing that was challenging that you made progress on. The following day you can work on in your mind the strategies for the next gaming session. I think the number one reason video gaming is so popular is because it satisfies our need for progress. In fact, if you ask gamers what the most important aspect of a video game is, they will tell you gameplay. They want to feel their achievements are real and gained from their skills. Game graphics are not as important. Video game developers know more than anyone the importance of progress and achievements. Most video games now offer the player trophies, badges, metals as well as “achievements’ that even sometimes have a monetary value.

It really doesn’t take much to add something to our lives that satisfy our need for progress. Many people do it with hobbies. Some do it by reviewing things on YouTube or playing card games on their phone or simple collecting. It should come from more meaningful sources such as our job, but when it doesn’t, we absolutely must introduce it into our lives in some other form.

When you feel that something is missing in your life that you can’t put a finger on, the lack of progress in your life may be it. You can do something about it.

Identity most certainly has been the biggest issue in history. Almost all wars have been the result of identity. As we move forward into the future, our identities get more fractured and complex. If we were to write down all of our identities, we would probably come up with dozens. Our culture dictates that we must have our biggest bonds with those of the same identities. The ones that are different than us are held at a distance with suspicion, at the very least. One of the biggest problems with identity is, it’s dynamic, and for some it changes every day. We question ourselves and others constantly in a circle of uncertainty. Because it’s dynamic, you will never know all the identities of your family, friends, neighbors, coworkers and even yourself. Did your identity change when you moved to a new neighborhood or dated someone new or did you do something that was different than your peers?

The fact is we are human first and that should be the only identity we should really focus on. Engage with people as a human first. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to not fall victim to our biases and prejudices and in all honesty, I think it would be impossible to be free of them but it’s not impossible to be mindful of the complexity of identity. Once you identify with someone on their other identities, you will compare and scrutinize theirs as well as yours till eventually unfair assumptions will be made. If you feel that someone is a threat to you because of their identity, deal with the threat and not the identity. Any threat that is immediate and putting you in danger at the moment is different than what your perception of a future threat based on identity is.  Remind yourself you are a human first, as is everyone else.

As I write this opening post, the sun is shining brightly through my window, the air is crisp, birds are zipping around… as well as a police helicopter which apparently is focusing in on an active crime. It’s very fitting because my hope for this blog is to help you navigate with your own tools through the challenges of life and to try and stay focused on your own well-being. I have to admit the helicopter sound is unsettling, but I know it will pass soon. It’s not unlike the negative events that seem to invade our lives regularly but learning how to see life in a different perspective may help understand why things happen and what we can do to be okay with ourselves and the world around us.