This has been one of my most challenging perspectives because I really wanted to get this right. I actually do research to help me clarify the points I make, and I try my best to be accurate, clear and careful. I also want to make this concise and to the point because this is a very complicated issue, and this is still a work in progress.
I have studied for a long time the dynamics of dysfunctional families in an effort to try to understand the roots of the dysfunction. Unfortunately, until recently, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Dysfunctional families don’t just happen, they build upon each other over generations and many of our dysfunctions now can be traced to before the Civil War. Therapy or meds can’t always help something so engrained into our DNA but looking at families that have healthy family dynamics can give some perspective into what we are doing wrong.
From my own experience and from research I found, there are quite a few core building blocks to be a healthy adult. Some of them seem obvious but the reasons they are important may not be exactly known to us. Much of who we are is biology, genetics and human instinct. Those three things we have no conscious control of, but they do play an enormous role in our behaviors and our mental quality of life. For example, it’s been proven that loneliness can have serious health consequences including cardiovascular disease and stroke and even though loneliness may not be seen as physical, it affects us physically because we as humans need the presence of other people to be healthy. Remember that solitary confinement is considered one of the most extreme forms of punishment.
So like our need for others, there are many other pieces of the puzzle for being a healthy adult. From what I have researched, the elements that contribute to a healthy adult are based off of a wider definition of traditional families, not the modern, religious or political definition of traditional but more the human. It’s important that we have a dependable, nurturing, and forgiving set or group of people to raise us. These can be parents by any definition, family or others that are there for the entire growth of the child to the adult. The child must feel secure about their present and their future. They must have controlled challenges to facilitate growth and learning and have experience in dealing with disappointment. They must feel useful as a child with the hopes of being useful as an adult. Their daily life should follow consistent, reliable patterns. All of their questions should be answered. They must feel like a they are a positive contributor to the family.
It should go without saying abuse of any sort is not a contributor to a healthy adult.
The closest example I could come up with of all these elements coming together would be the farming lifestyle. Generally speaking farming has suffered quite a bit in recent due to unfavorable weather, trade tariffs, competitive pricing and other financial issues but the farming family culture has shown to be strong and resilient with growing interest among the younger generations according to the National Young Farmers Coalition. What we want to focus on is not the farming specifically but how the farming family provides the necessary elements to help achieve to become a healthier adult. In a farming family all members have value and work towards the success of the family. You start off very young knowing the value of teamwork and self-sacrifice. Everyone in the family has a role, and each role is respected. Many farms have been handed down from generation to generation and if the farm is successful, the child can decide to not be a farmer but know that the farm is there if they decide differently. There are also the added benefits such as access to healthier foods and literally seeing the fruit of your labor.